I’m Hideous!: 4 Reader Secrets That Have Them Nervous About Their Spouse Seeing “Behind the Curtain”
Like the man behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz, you are about to let him get a behind the scenes look at who you are. That’s pretty damn stressful, especially when you are already more stressed out over napkin colors and fabric swatches than you ever thought a sane person could be. Whether you are having a party favor freak out or a maid-of-honor dress meltdown, take time to have a much-needed laugh with these real life secrets from Armenian Bridal’s bride-to-be readers around the world…
Secret 1: I reuse razors within an inch of their life because I’m nasty like that.
Ain’t nobody got time to buy 5 packs of razors a week because their legs just happen to have some pretty coarse hair from years of leg shaving. (Ok. I’m just cheap as hell.) Instead, I reuse razors until I am a little bit afraid of contracting some horrible jungle disease from my Daisy razor. Then and only then do I move on… but I move on slowly and leave the bacteria-laced purple offender in my medicine cabinet – just in case I want to live dangerously.
Razor Hoarder in Michigan
Secret 2: I fart in my sleep.
Well, I don’t know if I really do… but I have been told that I do. I am scared AF that I am going to fart in my sleep and then you won’t tell me – and I will just be wondering around aimlessly like a loser-farter while you look at me grossed out with sympathetic eyes of disgust.
Gassy Bessy in Virginia
Secret 3: I hide frosting and eat it out of the can.
Don’t judge me. I hide frosting in clever places and eat it out of the can when I am feeling depressed. I love my frosting. Don’t take my frosting. Don’t look at my frosting. Don’t make me feel bad about my frosting. I’ll cut you.
Serious-About-Her-Frosting in New York
Secret 4: I have a vibrator and it’s better than you.
I am seriously considering hiding my vibrator in the woods so I can go get it on nights when I don’t exactly get there with you because I don’t want to toss it… but am terrified you will discover it. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, but I am afraid that you will think I’m a giant perv when you see my eclectic mix of sex toys that I use when I am too tired to deal with putting on my makeup and hitting on you. Some guys are intimidated by vibrators and I don’t want you to think you aren’t enough, but sometimes buzz buzz is all that makes me hit the high notes.
All About That Buzz in Washington
Marriage is the most intimate relationship in the world, but part of that intimacy is the raw, not-so-pretty things that are woven into our very DNA. Remember, when you get those newlywed jitters over the curtain going up… you aren’t alone. We all have these little secrets that make us who we are and sometimes the only thing that helps us to not be paranoid about living together for the first time is knowing that our grooms-to-be are just as nervous about their own quirks. So to all you night-farters and razor hoarders out there, don’t sweat it. Part of the wonder of marriage is looking into a hot mess of a person… and seeing a reflection of something truly beautiful.